Labelling it titty milk will only make me drink more of it

No, biblically.

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Well groomed, long hair, like well-maintained, thick, stretched earlobes, communicate patience and the ability to finesse your way through difficult, potentially uncomfortable situations in service of a larger, long term goal. Unfortunately, you can be very patient at becoming an asshole as well as becoming a decent, well rounded person. Facial hair doesn’t make you cool. Being a cool person makes you cool.