Ooh, thanks for this link. I’m not a podcast person, but I have a friend who would love this

I have a disability that gives me quite a lot of pain, and my 1-10 pain scale doesn’t actually go up to 10; I will never say I’m at a 10/10 pain, because that’s saying it’s the worst it could ever be, which is asking for trouble

"But we also have to be careful because presenting a minority group as already extinct exists to help continue the perpetuation of the genocide. As Judith Butler describes.

  An ungrievable life is one that cannot be mourned because it has never lived, that is, it has never counted as a life at all'

Thank you so much for this reminder; because of this, I have realised that this is a trap that my thoughts sometimes slip into. Hopefully I will be able to be mindful of it and check myself in future

Lmao

When I was a teenager, I promised myself that if nothing improved by the time I was 20, I would allow myself the escape of suicide — fuck anyone who would begrudge me that. The bar wasn’t “things have to be fully better”; there just needed to be a non-zero improvement to prove that improvement was possible.

Ironically, this pledge probably saved my life, because it meant that I could tell myself “not yet” when I was in a crisis and at risk of harming myself. Fortunately, by the time I had reached 20, I had experienced some fairly significant improvements, and whilst my mental health was still rocky, there were parts of me that genuinely wanted to live.

My post-20 life has been messy, because I literally never expected to get this far. It sort of feels like a bonus level in a video game. It’s pretty surreal.

Enough about me though, I want to hear a bit about you, if you’re willing to share. What’s something that gives you zest for life? Something that fuels the hope that I’m feeling from your comment?

I feel you. Having to grieve the person you could’ve been is one the tragedies of having been forced to survive rather than live. The most difficult part of healing is somehow forging a new life in which you can thrive.

That’s something that I’ve been struggling with lately. If I structure my life around who I am right now, then the result is a routine of misery where I don’t chase anything of joy. However, if I try to build a life for the person I would like to be, I find I don’t fit inside that world, and I crumble — demoralised by overambitious burnout. The tension between the world as it is and the world as it ought to be is a tightrope that I need to somehow balance on if I want to make progress.

Solidarity, friend. You deserve better than what you have had.

One of the stories about the US that I find inspirational is how, during the space race, NASA relied on various experts from somewhat unconventional places. It’s what I always think about at times like this, because it’s a snippet of what I consider to be genuine greatness, amongst all the propaganda and geopolitical awfulness.

The first example is how the Apollo spacesuits were sewn by seamstresses from an underwear company. This was because they needed craftspeople skilled enough to be able to reliably cut fabric and sew seams within a margin of error of a fraction of a millimetre. Whereas in regular garment manufacturing, you can typically tear out incorrect stitches and try again, this wasn’t possible for the spacesuit, so they needed to be perfect first time; many of the fabrics they were working on were so cutting edge that they needed to be locked away in a safe when not working on them. Synthetic fabrics were still fairly new, and this partly explains why an underwear manufacturer had seamstresses who were up to this challenge — the group of sewists who worked on the spacesuit were probably among the most experienced people in the world at sewing synthetic fabrics, and this experience allowed them to be an active part of the design and manufacture process for the spacesuits.

Another example from the same era is when NASA engineers were having difficulty getting the honeycomb insulating material they were using to adhere to the shuttle. This part of the program was happening near Seal Beach, in California, and when it was discovered that the local surfers were already experienced in using a material like this for their surfboards, NASA hired a bunch of the surfers to work with their engineers to figure out the problem. There’s a quote I absolutely adore from Donald Binns, a Project Engineer with North American Aviation^[1]:

“[The surfers] did a great job with it. The only downside of those guys was that when the surf was up, there was a big absentee problem — they were out there doing their trick.”

I just find this incredibly sweet, because it captures both the strength and the difficulty of working with diverse skill sets. If ever there was greatness to be found in the US, we can see it in stories like this. I think this spirit of innovation has been lost over the years, due to the pressures of capitalism on individuals in particular.

Edit: forgot to add link for quote citation

[1]: Quote is from episode 1 of the 2008 documentary “Moon Machines”, accessible via the internet archive. Insulation section starts at around 16:45 https://archive.org/details/moon-machines/Moon+Machines+Part+1+The+Saturn+V+Rocket.mp4

There is indeed! It’s one of the things that makes this such a humourous story

Edit: https://archive.org/details/powersofdarkness0000vald Here it is! Enjoy (even if one’s enjoyment is just in knowing that this exists)