Mossy Feathers (She/They)

Girl, I can’t believe no one here is telling you that the behavior you’ve described is absolutely not “having a man that treats you right”. Guilt tripping, trashing his own girlfriend while being with her, telling you to be unfaithful, ignoring your homosexuality…

Hell, the way you’ve described him makes me wonder if his girlfriend was actually schizophrenic or if he just gaslit the fuck out of her and ditched her when it started to catch up to him. Did you know her personally? Did she show signs of schizophrenia that couldn’t be explained by gaslighting? Did he try to work with her through her potential schizophrenia? That’d be another huge red flag: if she showed signs of disability and instead of trying to work with her, he dumped her.

Don’t do it.

You’re just sad, hurt, and about to get yourself into a hell of a lot more hurt if you listen to this strange compulsion of yours. Chill. Take a deep breath. Find some lesbian chicks. There’ve gotta be dommy lesbians around you if you’re in a somewhat populated area in the US. Make friends, fuck your friends, have fun, and maybe you’ll eventually end up with a girlfriend or two (and maybe a trans puppygirl too).

Honestly, I’m pretty sure this is how my grandparents ended up MAGAts. They’re old, in their 90s and their brains are fried. They used to be fairly intelligent, but they can barely think rationally anymore. They still managed to get out to vote for Trump somehow, even after promising everyone in my family that they wouldn’t. They believed that the left is lying just as hard, if not harder, than the right. I don’t know what their views are now that Trump is president again. I don’t talk to them much anymore…

Opossums.

Yeah, I can see how that’d get to you. I’d highly recommend seeing if you can get him to sit down with you and have a chat about this stuff. Based on what you’ve said, however, he does seem like a toxic person. I dunno what else to say. I’ve been on both sides of this and it sucks both ways. It sucks when you have to break off a friendship because they’re toxic and won’t address it, and it sucks when someone breaks off from you because you’re the toxic one.

The only thing I can suggest is to spend some time talking, you know? Just… try to avoid sounding confrontational or angry. That’ll potentially cause the two of you to escalate. If it doesn’t work, then I’d consider leaving him but doing so with an olive branch: that if he works on himself then you’ll be happy to be friends again, but that you need space right now because he’s dragging you down. That said, it’d leave you friendless buuuuut… you could look around and see if there are any clubs, like gardening, automotive, books, etc that you might be interested in, even if it’s just a passing interest. That might allow you to make some new friends in the meantime.

Edit: also, give him some time after you chat. If this is truly habitual then it might take some time and multiple reminders for him to “get with the program”.

Yo, chill. Some people are really bad at time estimation. Some people forget about shit. Sometimes life just happens. He may not be certain why he’s doing the things he’s doing, or he may think it’s not a big deal. Communication is important, but often neglected when it comes to male platonic relationships. If you haven’t been communicating these things, do it. And be gentle. There’s the chance that he may honestly be aware but doesn’t know why these things are happening; he just hasn’t said anything because you haven’t.

I just said no worries I’m going home to bed.

Like this right here. No. You don’t say this unless you mean it. Don’t lie to your friends, don’t lie to yourself. If it bothers you, say something.

And the most important thing about all this is to try not to be confrontational. Again, he may be aware that he’s fucking up. It may be something he’s very insecure about.

He responded with I said Wednesday it’s only Thursday stop sweating me 😂.

Like, this suggests to me that he may be aware and that it’s possibly eating him. Or maybe he meant next Wednesday.

Is I keep that shit bottled up and try and be positive around other people and I genuinely always try not to dwell on negatives and use positive intent with people as negatively is crippling.

Also, take it from someone who used to do this, this is extremely toxic to yourself; and your friend’s constant negativity isn’t healthy either. You’re both on the extremes here, it might be worth trying to help him find the good things by talking to him and pointing out the silver linings in things while asking him to let you vent when life’s eating you up.

Aw, big plushie!