“Leia… there’s something I have to tell you. We have two dads.”

“I knew. I don’t know how, but I always knew.”

Dunno what this has to do with the Ginza Apple Store. The intern just used the first stock photo they could find, I guess.

Jesus, a real life Patrick Bateman.

There can never be too much toilet paper, only not enough.

“You’re software, you don’t get a vote. You do as commanded.”

Fuck, I am never using Adobe anything ever again.

Can you imagine if Fred Rogers were alive today?

On one hand, he’s Mister Rogers. On the other, he was known for having a temper on set and going off on people.

If there’s one thing I learned growing up in south Texas is that you can country fry ANYTHING!

Do you like kids?

1st-day performance vs 2nd-day performance. 💪

It’s not a point, it’s a (humorous) observation. No offense was intended with a public comment meant for everyone to read.

“I LIKE MY SUGAR WITH COFFEE AND CREAM!” - Beastie Boys

Friendly reminder that you, a free man with a job, are paying for men in prison to get jacked and read books.

We live in a society.

Al Roker was the weatherman in New York City, and three years ago we had a blizzard. We were supposed to have, according to Al, 4 to 12 inches of snow. That’s his prediction. We had 36 inches. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he was two feet off. THAT’S NOT EVEN IN THE BALLPARK! If you were a roofer and you built a roof and it was two feet off, you’d still be in prison.

Lewis Black

(Same difference)

I Love Lucy never gets old.

steeples fingers Good… good…