Source: https://mastodon.social/@warandpeas/117347139169589960

transcript

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: An angel in heaven reports to God on the clouds. “Heavenly Father, the humans have started being intimate for fun.” Panel 2: “They’ve also started screaming your name when they climax.” Panel 3: God considers. “Hmm… Not gonna lie…” Panel 4: God admits, “It does turn me on a bit.”

  • Thorry@feddit.org
    16·
    8 hours ago

    He made man in his image. So it would be only logical to conclude God has a mighty godlike penis. And since humans stroke their penis all the time, it’s natural to conclude God would also do such a thing. After all, what use is a penis if it’s not properly worked on a regular basis?

    Now the thing we really need to question if God would be able to climax. I’d argue it wouldn’t be much of a god if he couldn’t do so. All powerful must mean fully functional in every sense of the word.

    When a man sprays his splooge all over the keyboard, we can only assume this is a pale imitation of what the divine is able to muster. Certainly his splooge is like a tsunami crashing over waves, being able to move mountains with a single squirt.

    I do wonder if we were to examine the holy cum, what would we find? Does God have DNA? Would we find small Jesus like seed? What sort of power would a single divine spermatozoid have? Would it hold all knowledge? Would it be able to communicate somehow? Could the truths of the universe be exposed through these beings?

    In this grant proposal I’ll outline my 8 step plan to locate God’s sperm and use it to further the knowledge of the universe for all mankind. I predict huge advancements in terms of physics, cosmology, biology and even spirituality. If you will turn the handout to page 87 you’ll see a clearly defined graph of possible advancements plotted against probability of my research being able to achieve these goals.