I’ve been considering it for a while. She was my neighbor, long-time good friend, and I’ve been into her for a while. We started going on dates and becoming official not too long ago, and I was thinking of moving in with her.
All our families completely support the idea and so does my GF.
Take a multi-day trip beforehand. You should at least experience an abbreviated version of living together before you actually do.
Think, talk, repeat until you reach a conclusion.
Get a new place together, or have her move in with you. Don’t move into her place.
I recommend reading about the relationship escalator . although it’s a tool primarily aimed at poly people, even monogamous people can benefit from learning about how you’re allowed to not consent to societal norms.
TLDR: only you can decide if you wanna move in with her, if at all. letting other people tell you how to organize your relationship will only end in misery
Dan Savage, the romantic advice columnist, says you should not move in together until you have been farting in front of each other for six months.
Without stopping? That’s going to chafe.
I can’t maintain it after I fall asleep for some reason. My wife and I still live in separate houses while we perfect the strategy.
Username checks out
Damn, I had forgotten about Dan, but his advice is generally solid, so… Fart yourself into a domestic partnership!
Sound guide. I’ll see myself out.
My girlfriend and I (f) moved in together after two dates. Still going strong 5 years later
I cannot even fathom how this happened.
Glad you two are happy, though. <3Ahh.
If I were writing a character play, I’m still not sure how this would go. I’m sure there are stories out there, though.
It depends on a lot of things.
- have you spent an entire day or even better a weekend together?
- are you ok with the loss of independence, alone time can be much more difficult after moving in.
- do you have room for their stuff?
- are you ok with rearranging your place, and potentially losing certain decorations or room functions?
- are you comfortable talking about how finances will be managed?
- do you have compatible diets and eating habits?
Moved in with my wife fairly shortly after we started dating. I’d say within 3-4 months. It just felt right to both of us. Married 20 years now.
There is no 1 single answer. Just do it when you (and they) feel comfortable. Considering from a practical standpoint, do it when both of you are comfortable in sharing their chores, and having dull moments in life.
When your wife says she’s ready to move to the next level.
I wish you all the best, but make a plan of what you are going to do in case it doesn’t work out.
If you broke up could you afford the rent on your own? What about in a few years time? Consider how much rent will increase in your area.
Do you have somewhere else to go back to, family etc?
Edit: to answer the post title, my opinion is wait until you’ve been together at least 1 year, or whenever you think the “honeymoon phase” is over.
Generally, there are two broad factors that potentially mess things up. Spending long periods with each other (esspecially in a casual setting) and finances. I’d try and think over how well you know her (and she knows you), to try and make sure it won’t be an issue before you commit to it. For example, have you gone on long trips together or spent more than just a weekend together? If you haven’t, maybe try and spend more time together and learn more about each other. If you have, are you confident that you’ll be comfortable spending much more time around her. As for finances, there’s obviously only so much you can learn, but do your general stances align? Have you fought about stuff like that before?
Ultimately, you both should have enough information about the other person to feel comfortable with the idea, and not feel like you’re going in blind. This is a commitment, so you should be well informed before taking action, and prehaps have fallbacks if you feel theres any chance things don’t work out. If you’re asking strangers on the internet, its not a good sign, but ultimately you’re the only one who has the information needed to judge.
Sounds like the right time.
Normally, being official a short time would not be a good time, but it sounds like you’ve already spent your whole life knowing this person, so I don’t see much of a reason why you should have to wait.
What’s stopping you?
Marriage
No way. Fuck that shit.
You learn a lot when you live with someone. It’s best to find out if that’s not gonna work before you sign a legal contact.
Things aren’t so cut and dry:
“Rhoades and Stanley used a representative sample of approximately 1,600 Americans who were married for the first time between 2010 and 2019. The study found that 34% of marriages ended among those who lived together before being engaged, while just 23% of marriages ended among couples who waited until after engagement or marriage to move in together.” - https://www.du.edu/news/new-du-study-highlights-risks-living-together-engagement
This was also an interesting read: Are Couples That Live Together Before Marriage More Likely to Divorce?
And that’s from Psychology Today, which is irreligious.
A large percentage of the people who wait for marriage don’t believe in divorce at all. That doesn’t mean that they are all happily married.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8847607/
It’s not just divorce, there’s a variety of factors that are correlated with decision to cohabit. This article goes through a bunch, including for example, martial satisfaction (they call it “adjustment” in this paper) which in their sample was slightly lower in men who cohabit before marriage and a lot lower in women who cohabit before marriage. They don’t really speculate on the reasons for this, but I’ve heard it suggested that cohabitation increases marriages out of convenience among couples who probably wouldn’t have gotten married otherwise.
Also important is that these impacts are long-term, and both cohabitation and marriage have positive outcomes in the short-term.I… don’t disagree with you there.
This may be good advice if your goal is to keep your relationship as long as possible, but that shouldn’t be your goal. It should be to be happy.
Christian radicalist.
