Hi! Just wondering how you folk were feeling today.
As for me, I had a rough last few weeks, but on Friday I started getting out of my funk thanks to the much needed and valued support of a friend.
Finally feeling a bit better today after getting part of my mess together. I still have some stuff to fix before I feel well, but the improvement is nice.
This got me to thinking how you guys were doing, cause idk. Talking about how I was feeling and the problems I’ve been facing with my friend helped me a lot. I thought a space to share or vent might help someone else.
Would really appreciate it if we tried to keep it supportive and non judgmental too. We don’t know what it’s like for others, after all. Thanks in advance. <3
So anyway, how are you?
Edit: Gonna go get something to eat now and have to get some work done, but will be back in a few hours. Take care and thanks to all of you that have shared!
You must log in or register to comment.
I keep telling myself that I’m doing ok and everything is fine, but at least once a day I suddenly collapse and start quietly sobbing. It usually happens in the shower, but it can happen anytime I have a brief moment alone. Only lasts for about 1 to 5 minutes and then I’m back up doing whatever it was I was doing, but its happening more and more frequently, and it’s getting harder to pretend I’m not overwhelmed by everything.
There is so much chaos and uncertainty. When I look at the state of the world, it feels like giving up and screaming incoherently into the void is somehow the most rational response; and that trying to keep going is the real insanity.
🫂❤️
I’m really sorry. That’s a lot. Sounds like you’re having a really bad time. I hope I had a solution for all of this but the truth is I don’t and no one probably does.
Even though it’s painful to think about, maybe it’s ok to accept things aren’t fine, though… Cause you know… maybe they’re not. Maybe it’s better to focus on the here and now and our inner worlds and come to terms with what we’re feeling, have our grieving processes and then be more practical.
To me instead of saying “ït’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fine. it’ll all be fine” I started thinking “Everything’s screwed and nothing is fine… but that’s ok. that’s how things are now. this is reality.”
It’s like the acceptance of things not being good as a possible state of being allowed me to stop running and I became more pragmatic. Cause it seems that for many, things aren’t fine. The world is in a state that has lots of us deeply worried, but among all the chaos and the risks and horrible things that are happening there’s us, the few inches in front of our faces, how we feel and how we treat those we care about. And that’s basically it. Everything else is just stories.
I decided to accept the world as a broken place and manage the little capabilities I have for the better support of the few I have the power to make a difference on, and idk it’s helped. I’m not saying this is universally good advice or helps anyone on a collective level, ofc. I don’t know you or what works for you.
My point is we can always come to terms with our grief and be pragmatic about the those we care about, regardless of our different ways to handle it. Seeing the world go to hell is a grieving process too. In my case accepting my own inner pain has at least spared me the pain and fear of running away from it.
I don’t know how well this applies to you and I understand it might not be anywhere near what you were looking for. I’m sorry. I really am. The world’s a mess and we’re all supposed to act normal. I wish it wasn’t like this. The problem is it is, and we feel the way we do. So are we just gonna keep denying being overwhelmed? Just keep bottling it up all day every day?
idk. It’s ok to be sad, mad, scared and overwhelmed. They’re not pleasant feelings, but they’re just feelings. They only have power over us when we try to escape from them
You stay strong and take care of yourself. Thanks for sharing and I really hope things get better.
I’m in trouble, I can’t choose between Tangananica and Tanganana.
I was fearing someone else would also be struggling with this.
My suggestion is:
Choose pudú.
Absurd! The Dikdik party is the only sensible solution to the social and economic malaise our people face every day.
D:<
My dad died in December, I’ve been on long-term sick leave for 15 years due to my “action paralysis” anxiety, I lost contact with absolutely everyone (including doctors etc.) due to my inability to even answer my phone, lost my benefits (not sure if that the correct word in English, but in plain words, I stopped getting money). I missed two rents and almost lost my apartment. I managed to make contact with my mom and we’ve now spent a month doing everything we can to get my sick leave back, but my new doctor is not good. And for some fucking reason a drug test showed a false positive for tramadol (I’ve never taken that, and haven’t taken anything other than my medications) so now we have to fight my doctor because she made up her mind that the reason I lost contact was because of drug use and not being willing to get better, which is complete bullshit. I’m lucky I’m in Sweden, where help exists in ways it doesn’t in many other countries. But this is my worst experience with the health system, and I’m already at the edge of a cliff with my action paralysis. We have pleaded to get help before the end of this month so I won’t miss another rent, since that would pretty surely be the last drop so I loose my apartment, but all meetings we’ve gotten (4 different ones) are in April, so now we’re desperately trying to get someone to understand the situation so we can get help. I’ve only had food enough to survive, nothing “nice” like snacks or anything, I’ve of course been unable to pay for music streaming, cloud computer for gaming and much more. At least I’ve been able to get my medication and enough food to not starve, but it’s not a good life right now.
Sounds horrible. I’m sorry about your dad and your action paralysis sounds brutal. I can definitely relate too.
I’ve struggled with it too up to my late 20s and my brother had a very serious case of it. For me, I stopped answering the phone for years during my depression until every last person who cared about me just stopped calling. I remember one day came where I realized it was my birthday late that afternoon. No one had called. Not a single person. “Well, this is it. You did it, Pudutr0n. Congrats.” I thought to myself.
I can’t blame them either. I wouldn’t take calls or answer the door. I just refused to live. I didn’t want to take part in society. I didn’t want to face the pressure of being judged by others for my every word, the state of my life and my lack of accomplishments. I felt shame about every ounce of my being and guilt for not ever showing up or picking up for anything or anyone. It was bad.
On some level I just wanted to disappear into not being remembered by anyone so I could take my own life in peace, knowing no one would care.
But that day never came. For some reason some people never, ever ever stopped caring. And depression can be horrible and push you to be a dick to people too. It did in my case, anyway.
When I started showing up again, there were some people who were just happy to see me. They didn’t care about the long list of failures I had accumulated, my lack of achievement, how weird I am, how I threw my life away, gained weight or had absolutely nothing to share. They didn’t want anything from me. They were just happy I was showing up. At first I couldn’t conceive the concept of unconditional care/love, but i’ll tell you. It exists. And not just by friends either. Some mental health professionals are this way too. On the other hand, some are psychopaths too, so there’s also that. heh.
I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are. I’m sorry you can’t get out. I’m sorry you’re being blamed for something you didn’t do. I’m sorry you have no ways to give yourself joys. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It sounds horrible and I’m sure you don’t deserve it.
There’s nothing to be afraid of and there’s nothing to be ashamed of regarding other people though. If I found anything at all during all my years of darkness, it’s that regardless of life conditions, there are some things that never stop mattering. In my case a big one was loved ones. I didn’t want to see them because I valued them too much to expose them to myself, and seeing their disappointment when they looked to or talked to me would have destroyed me. I felt bad about shutting them down. I really did. Not because of what I lost, but because I hurt them. I was on this constant insane guilt trip about it too which didn’t let me do anything to change, well, anything.
Anyway, I don’t know how it’s like for you, but I would advise you to take a good look at what’s still important to you and who still cares, because that information will be priceless for the rest of your life when you get out.
If you’re experiencing shame and guilt, just keep in mind the people that would want you to feel embarrassed, insufficient or not enough in any way because of your life, what you look like or what you’ve been through, those people are meaningless. You wouldn’t want to spend 5 seconds with them to begin with, even if you were on top of the world… and the people who wouldn’t want you to feel this way… they are the ones that matter, and guess what? They stick around. When they think you want them to, anyway. And they don’t care about the stuff you find so unforgivable or the questions that would make you feel “not enough” at a dinner party. They just care about you cause you’re you.
Maybe identify these people. They’re important. In my case, many of them are online, and some are family. It helps to talk to them when I feel I’m feeling bad, too. If you reach out to them, they’ll likely respond too, even if you feel bad for doing so.
INo one can get out of this for you and idk how long this will last but know this: when you do get out, you’ll have crystal clear notion of what and who truly matters in life. And that, my friend, is something of immense value.
I have faith in you and hope you make your way out of the hole soon.
Take care of yourself, M137. You deserve it. <3
Keep waking up at night and just not getting back to sleep again. No reason for it that I can see. Not anxious or afraid, not unhealthy. Just keep not sleeping.
Also my little boy bit through his lip at Nursery today so he’s gonna be a super cranky little bear later when I pick him up and I need to be happy and supportive for him.
That happens to me too. I sometimes just don’t sleep out of… idk… spite? Not sure if that makes sense or not but it’s like “screw you, pudutr0n, you don’t get to sleep more. me and the boys are going out to have fun!”
I’m sorry about your little boy and I hope he’s not as cranky as you expect. You’re doing good work raising a little human with care and support. Not everyone has the same consideration.
Hope you have a great day. Peace to you, RizzoTheSmall.
Urgh, feeling down. I think I slept in the wrong position and now my lower right leg is throbbing and feels warm, and my sciatica feels weird. It’s giving me a headache.
Worse part is, I need to revise for a tech interview tomorrow and this weird pain is going to waste my day today. Sigh
Noooooooooooooooooooooo I hate sleeping in the wrong position, and yeah it sounds like you have a bad case of that.
Idk how to help you get through the pain tbh. Siatica can be horrible. Sorry. Hope you feel better soon and if we don’t speak till then, good luck on the interview tomorrow!
I believe in you, Ardyssian. You got this.
Thank you :) And good to hear that you’re doing well - haven’t experienced that feeling in a long while.
I guess I’ll try and sleep early tonight to sleep off the pain, after doing a few rounds of stretches to relieve the tension.
Sounds like a plan! And anytime. You take care of yourself now, and I hope things pick up for you as well.
Feeling really good! 😃 I’m aiming to get my passport so I can travel the world. The destinations on the top of my list are all on different continents. I’ve already got so many plans laid out and I’ve been spending the past week or so mentally prepping myself by watching videos about airports. I haven’t flown in a while and they’re gonna be long haul flights!
Ooooh you’re gonna get that fresh passport smell!! mmMMMmm plastic that lets you cross gates with armed guards. :D
Congrats on the awesome goal and it’s good you’re making plans! Videos of airports sounds umm… well, I guess you gotta get psyched somehow. hehe. I’m really glad you’re getting in the right headspace too.
I hope you get your passport soom and have amazing, wonderful adventures everywhere around the world, and all your wildest dreams not only come true, but are surpassed beyond your imagination. No, seriously. I hope you have good travels. The time I spent traveling changed my life for the best.
Godspeed, Elaine Cortez. Godspeed and thanks for sharing a little bit about your life. :)
Thank you! ❤️
Been struggling with anxiety and OCD since around the holidays. Work got more toxic than it already was, so I started interviewing, which was stressful. I’m starting a new job Monday, and I have anxiety about it–imposter syndrome, I suppose. It’s essentially the same thing as I was doing, maybe with more responsibility, but a 50% pay increase. My biggest worry is I am going from no supervisor, making my own goals, and not working a strict 40 (less) to… who knows. It seems great, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for the level of effort, or the shock of going back to 40s.
My mental state is getting better as the date approaches, which is good, I just hope I can ride it out and settle into my new role. I’m starting Setraline today, at least.
That sounds like a lot you’ve been dealing with since the holidays and the work situation sounds complex too. I’m glad your mental state is getting better, though.
I’ve done setraline. Didn’t do much to me but everyone reacts differently. I hope you can settle on your new role too and wish you the very best.
Thanks for telling us a little bit about your world and I hope things work out for you. , Sweetpeaches69.
Thank you, Pudutr0n. And thanks for this thread! It’s kind of bittersweet to see that a lot of folks are struggling lately. I know my personal circle is. Together, we can pull through.
I’m tired, boss.
Me three
Me too, DarkFuture. Me too.
My brain is like a planet with a very thin crust with a black hole inside. Everything I am is built on this extremely delicate shell of stability, and sometimes it seems like I spend most of my time clinging to the edge after having fallen through. Medication makes the shell thicker and more stable, but there’s still a black hole in my head and it’s never going to go away and I’m so tired of fighting falling in.
That sounds really hard to handle. I’m sorry.
there are some aspects of my personality and person that took me a long time to come to terms with and accept because they seemed all bad to me. No possible upside. With time, thought, I came to understand that those aspects of myself have different value depending on context and situation, and sometimes, although not often, being the way I am in those ways I hate is great and a huge advantage.
Idk if this applies to you, but idk. Surely black holes are good for something? Maybe their power of attraction can somehow be channeled.
Either way, sorry you’re struggling with that. Good luck.
In the metaphor, the black hole is nihilistic, all-consuming, apathetic depression, and I just want to stop struggling, let everything fall apart and fall in and kill myself
Idk. detachment can be an advantage. So can carelessness and refusal to act. Definitely not all the time for all things but in the right circumstances all those things could save your life.
I get what you mean though and I’m sorry. I’ve struggled with depression a lot and it’s horrible. I wish I had the solution, pixeltree. I really do. I think it has to do with listening to myself, but can’t be really sure because I’m not fully past my own demons yet either.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to explain. Hope you feel better soon and it becomes easier to endure.
Weird. On one hand, everything is dandy. On the other… Self-hatred is simply weighing down on me and while I know I have to work on it, it’s been 2-steps-forward-1.5-steps-back type of deal.
Human psyche is fucked up. You can have everything you might need, be as successful as you can be, but if there’s anything gnawing at you, no matter how small it might be, it will murderfuck you to the deepest pits of mental hell
I hear that, Metju. I really do.
Most of the most miserable moments of my life where during times i had everything “on paper”, as in… the check list of “things you need to be happy” was complete. Nowadays I’m poorer, unhealthier, have less friends, have a worse job, no partner, and basically have nothing glamorous to brag about… but I’m about a hundred times happier than I was back when i had the full checklist.
It’s funny cause I want some of those things back now, despite knowing how irrelevant they are. There’s something about me wanting to lie to myself about how important those things are and my happiness being up to them and not myself.
Yeah, human psyche is fucked. I guess the lies we tell each other to get status, money or votes we end up believing and then we go on these wild goose chases.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with self hatred. If it’s of any value to you at all, you seem like an insightful person and I appreciate you taking your time to share your thoughts and feelings with me.
Take care, Metju.
A bit all over the place lately. I found out I’m having a kid, which is very exciting, and pretty much the thing giving me motivation at work right now. I work in a kitchen and generally like what I do, but upper management is awful and it’s only going to get worse. We got a new big wig recently, so now a bunch of changes are being made to make us more “efficient”.
I’m considering a career change, but I’m planning to take full parental leave (8 weeks for fathers where I am) when the baby comes in the fall, and plan on also taking my vacation during that time (either right before or right after), so I want to wait until that’s all done first. I’ll probably look for a new job in the new year. Some days it’s hard to wait out that long though, today was rough. If every day is like today I don’t know how I’ll make it through the rest of the year. I expect a mass quitting soon if that’s the case.
Well first of all, congrats on the kid and good for you for owning up on it and adapting to their arrival. Might be scary but seems like you’re handling that well so kudos. I’m sorry the days are hard right now. Hope you can make that career change work. To me it’s been weird. Opportunity comes at the strangest times and to me it’s all been about keeping my eyes open. Good luck and thanks for taking your time to tell and and us about your life. Much appreciated, cod.
Thanks for making the post. It’s nice to air out the emotions sometimes.
Thanks! And yeah, definitely helps me, anyway. Have a good one!
Great. Recently got promoted at my job.
Woah! Congrats! Feels so good to have hard work recognized. I bet you’ve been doing an awesome job too. If I had to bet, probably well deserved.
Thanks for sharing and have a nice day Joeyowlhouse.
Been a stressful damn week. Past 2 months has been a long decade too. But today’s going pretty chill at least
Yeah it seems like the year’s been so long and it’s not even april yet. Crazy stuff.
I’m glad you were doing well yesterday. Thanks for sharing!
I woke up this morning and eleven minutes later I was convinced that I needed to end it all. Luckily things have gone up from there. Exercise is such a stupid trick but it gives my brain the happy chemicals.
❤️🫂
Damn. I’ve been in similar moods / states of mind and they can really be hell. Even did my very best to get the deed done one time, but ended up waking up in a hospital, only to be locked up in a psych ward for months. It was the single most horrible time period of my life.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how it feels and I have no doubt in my mind you don’t deserve one ounce of it. I don’t know if anyone does tbh.
I’m glad you could get out of the funk and yeah, exercise seems like one of those things that is all benefit once you get rolling. Glad it helped and hope things pick up. Keep the happy chems flowing. :)
❤️🫂
Me too, edgemaster72. Me too.
Stay strong and keep your mastery on those edges!
