The fundamental issue here is that they call this dating when it’s something else entirely. They should have made a new name for it when it became like sifting through resumes.
like sifting through resumes.
Then we need to call it what it is: This exchange is an HR screen.
I don’t think anyone calls this dating? It’s the filter to figure out if you want to date
Dating apps
Online dating
But I agree that it’s more of a way to meet people to date, not actual dating
Here’s a name for it: Intimate Individual Review Sessions. Prospective team members must engage in touchpoints so that they may energize their velocity for fast paced interview opportunities.
courting phase
As a cishet man who isn’t passionate about hyping himself up and gets burnt out socially easily…
No one on dating apps is worth the effort required to overcome the illusion of comparison. We don’t know you and we’re not going become infatuated over what you can put in a profile. At most our interest will be piqued, but we know we have to compete with HUNDREDS of other dudes and …ehhhhh.
To put it another way if I was at a party and there was a beautiful girl surrounded by 10 to 20 dudes I wouldn’t even bother and instead try to have fun and talk to people I found interesting. But with dating apps pretty much every girl is always surrounded by guys like that trying too hard and the same guys are surrounding as many girls as possible since online they are not limited by the physics of space online.
I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated, but this causes friction when I want to be harassed and catcalled the way cartoon construction workers harass and catcall women, but women don’t like that at all. 😩
To be fair you probably want to be catcalled by pretty women instead of 50 year old men.
What I am trying to say is have you considered putting on a maid outfit? :3
I honestly don’t care. I’m pansexual. Some 50yo dudes are hot af. 🤷♂️
😏 How you doin?
I’m Schrödinger’s old dude, I might be hot I might not. (Best to never know)
I’ll always be uncertaintly hot as long as you don’t look at my Insta.
We’ll needs links to verify
Plot twist!
yeah that checks out tbh
Hey baby, I like the way you walk down the street with that blank, emotionless stare like you’re deep in boredom.
I do share the same sentiment as women upon being told I should smile more. Maybe if the world wasn’t so fucked up I would. 🤷♂️
Nah, beby, I luv da way you don’t smile. Uwu, you so glam - like you can afford ta Botox ur entire face :E
Now THERE’S a dating website conversation starter. They’ll either run in terror or become an item :)
heeey bby, is that a baseball bat in your trousers or are you happy to - oh shit! - it’s a baseball bat, run! run like the dickens!
When you catcall Ness but your name is Pokey.
Hey! I bet you’re a really cool person!
Am I doing this right?
I can’t catcall somebody with a dog avatar. Geeze, work with me here. Gotta have a cat I can pspsps
Man I feel this but at the same time idk wtf I’d do if it actually happened. Like if some cutie started cataccling me I’d be like ‘wait me? For real? No wait really? Are you sure? Have you had your eyes checked?’
I have actually been catcalled before, but it was in somewhat close proximity. It was in Vegas and it was a group of girls who were walking toward me and one yelled, “Hey! She likes your hair!” (I have anime-esque hair)
I was more confused than anything, then embarrassed, then amused. Us guys get so little attention that I’ve been going out of my way to compliment other guys in a non-flurting way.
Nice! Yeah I make sure to comment on dudes shirts and such. We all need to support each other out there
And there’s the problem. You went straight to it being a cutie. To make it comparable, it should probably be Roseanne.
I feel the reaction would still be the same lmao but valid point.
Too real
this should go into the [email protected] community definitely (btw i fully understand and share your sentiment)
You have to know stuff, you can’t just go there! Saying “hi” is a red flag, bad seed, you will be ghosted.
My partner messaged me first asking if my cat’s name was Dickface.
We were married 8 months later.
Why did you marry a cat ?
Jesus, stop judging people!
*sad jesus noises*
Let’s be honest. If you could marry a cat you would too.
didn’t you read? it says right there in the comment
“Bad seed”?! Loool. Oof, I didn’t know someone could slap my genetics.
That guy is a keeper! Lock him down and he’ll be loyal for life! He doesn’t even know how to talk to other women!!
Makes family dinners with his own mom really awkward though.
…she even…she even opened
It is bumble. She has to start.
They changed that. Now no one texts ever.
It is from 2023. I don’t know when they changed what. But the last time I used it, women had to start the conversation but they could set a question to ask automatically, skipping the first message
Bumble was like “what a cool idea, I wonder why no one has done this before” and then they found out why
My experience was, about half just let the match time out, and most of the remaining half opened with something like “hey.”, or that gif of Monica from friends waving at you.
Also, a decent chunk of people had profiles on Tinder as well.
Only used one word sentences though.
The most lesbian thing I have seen today.
As a straight dude, I know lots of straight dudes that are represented in this picture.
We all have our little problems. ❤️
omg damn that’s me. i ended up sending a shitpost meme/pic of my dinner to a female co-student. still waiting for her response.
If I learned anything from the internet she’s basically your wife now. Start collecting pieces of string and straw because you’re gonna be building a nest soon!
i hope xD
An unsolicited photo of something random might not be something everyone responds to. I wouldn’t necessarily send a response.
So if she doesn’t respond, it doesn’t definitively mean she doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe try again with something that actually indicates that you’re looking for a response. Like … ask a question about something you know you have in common.
Did you finish the reading for class? I think the part about ABC could be interpreted to apply to XYZ. What do you think?
You said you like comedians. Have you seen the new Marcello Hernandez special on Netflix?
Make it something that could turn into an actual conversation if she answers you.
yeah yeah i know, we’ll see, i’ll update you tomorrow
To whoever said that (or anyone who DON’T talk to people when trying to date): have you tried improv? Improv comedy would help you talk to people better, and would probably give you the confidence and courage
I’ve played dungeons and dragons a lot. Does that count?
I put on my wizards hat
Edit: God, I realized that the joke I referenced is so old and niche by now in internet culture I have to provide a link: https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
If it’s any consolation many of us are old fogeys (from an internet perspective), and likely understood it immediately. I know I did!
There is a new bash.org here:
Hey, they’re recycling the classics!
Roll a charisma check.
Might have to be a saving throw actually
Certainly, but it works better when you are the DM rather than a player.
So if a person struggles with confidence your solution is for them to stand up on stage? There seems to be an important first step that seems to have been skipped.
Improv doesn’t have to be on a stage.
To practice improv is just to practice social skills. And, I don’t know how else to say this, a lack of social skill is the fundamental root problem here. Anyone who lacks confidence in this way is going to have to learn them one way or another.
A real first step might be learning to be brave and charging through one’s anxiety to get to the improv center, but they have to go. Whether it’s improv or something else, they have to go.
You’ve gotta take the first step yourself, no one can do that for you.
Or don’t. Be a shutin. Fear the mailman. Die a virgin. I’m not your boss.
Dying a virgin is so underatted. You can only be manipulated so long as you have wants, so long as you specifically want something from other people, they will just exploit you.
The first steps are the part they have difficulty with.
It is like asking help with addition and subtraction, and giving info on how to do matrices and arithmetic.
You find a class or a club, not an open mic.
I suggest reading the link about improv
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Same bro same
me_irl
The apps are literally designed to keep you single
Worked just fine for me.
Feel free to ask for advice or whatever.
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
The Algorithm used to match people isn’t designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It’s designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
yeah we need sth like fediverse dating services tbh
I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.
But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.
Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.
Most apps are owned by like 2 companies really
Yeah and they all suck as a result.
I keep meaning to have a proper look into it and see if there are any actual dating site / apps that are independent. It’s a massive pain because usually you can’t really tell if an app is going to be any good or if it’s just another clone until after you’ve already signed up. It’s quite the time investment.
Yea most of them suck
I tried Lovetastic and liked the fact that they don’t use pictures and it’s mostly based on text
They don’t seem to have advanced algorithms that are here to fuck you
But hey, I met my SO on a relatively niche but non ethical dating app. It was filed with ads and badly optimized but I figured out the algorithm wouldn’t be all ELO type of shit, and it worked after some time
This is exactly how it works - I became single after 13 years and so had no previous experience with dating apps, so I decided to go all in and get one month’s subscription to Hinge, Bumble and Grindr. Before the end of the month I was concurrently dating five people (four women and one man) as a bi man in his thirties. Shit was pretty cash.
A lot of people asked me why I was so successful and I told them it’s because I paid for the subscriptions. For what ended up amounting to around $100AUD I got to date a bunch of people, had some great dates and great sex, and one of those five people is now my long term partner with whom I’m living. She was one of the ‘top recommended’ people on Hinge and the algorithm really got it right!
YMMV but paying for the apps actually provides quite a good service.
I think people’s biggest fear with paying for the apps is that they’ll end up in a situation where they are just throwing good money after bad and not getting anything for it. Then you get into the sunk cost fallacy and it’s really difficult to get yourself out of that headspace.
The problem is the apps say that they have recommendations that you only have to pay to unlock but I don’t believe them.
Ok well, I haven’t had that kind of success. But success none the less.
The issue here, beside being a sample of one is that you immediately paid so other factors could be in play.
She clearly doesn’t know how to talk to men either.
If all you text is “hey” to a woman as a first message, you can be sure 99.9% percent of them won’t even respond.
At least he tried and gave her a compliment.
YoU hAvE tO rEaD bEtWeEn tHe LiNeS Or sOmE sHiT - her probably
It’s literally a first contact. These apps are exhausting and texting requires effort from both parties.
Even funnier with the timestamps
9/11 of a conversation
Tbf she made zero effort to converse with OOP either
This is the bumble experience lol. The man still has to do the real first message because the woman’s first message is going to be “hey” 99% of the time.
As a man I also sent just hi to everyone. Reasoning behind that was that if there is any interest, they would reply with something. Like a ping. When we’d get to know better I could be more personal. Found a great partner this way, we’ve been together for 5 years now.
I had a formula: “Hi!”, my real first name, a brief mention and open-ended question about something I found interesting on their profile, then closing with something like “Online dating can be a lot. I’d love to hear from you, but only when you’re ready. No pressure. I hope you have a great day.”
So about four sentences. It took me like two minutes. I got about 1 response in 10 instead of over 1:30 that way, at least from women. Success!
I then proceeded to have all of the worst dates I’ve ever been on. One person showed up on shrooms, a woman interrogated me about marriage and children within ten minutes of meeting, another seemed to be fabricating their entire life story on the spot… and more! There were good dates too, but soooo much bad.
hey, shrooms dates can be a way to get to know someone real quick, good or bad
I agree, you just should tell people first! Unsolicited story time:
We had been dating for a few weeks. She was smart, nice, and very fun. I really liked her and had decided to consider getting serious. I thought she had ghosted me for our dinner date, though, so I had left and was feeling sad. She called over an hour later to apologize profusely and beg me to come back, saying she’d explain and buy everything that night as apology.
What she didn’t mention was that she was going to alternate between incoherent rambling and staring, silent and unresponsive, into one corner of the cafe’s ceiling. I had no idea what was going on. I got ahold of her roommate, who said she had eaten a bunch of shrooms and walked to her friend’s house. I left after he arrived and I learned he was her roommate… and her boyfriend. Fun.
I went full no contact. Years later, we worked together briefly in graduate school, where she pretended not to know me despite having already told our lab mates we used to be friends. Super awkward, maybe mental problems.
tyyy
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Perfect match!
Hmm, ty
no, that’s to disinterested HH
TY!
ohh, no that’s way too enthusiatic HH^H
Ty
Now that just looks like a name HH
Hey Grok, this person on the dating website said Hii \n Cool hair what should I send back? I want to sound slightly interested, but almost dismissive, like they need to prove that I’m worth their time, but so far I just said Hey
Grok: have you considered saying thank you?
eww, whole words? I’m not a geriatric
Grok: perhaps you could say ty
god, you’re not help, i already thought if that but i’m afraid it makes me sound too disinterested
Grok: Have you tried photoshopping their head onto a nude photo? I can help you…
god grok, you’re so useless, i’m just going to post tyyy, so it sounds like i’m saying thank yooooouuuu! like I mean it but in the least number of characters so it doesn’t sound like I mean it too much.
–probably
